I guess you really can't count out the underdog...

The doctor diagnosed me with "A Watched Pot Never Boils Syndrome."

Lo and behold we've got a follicle measuring at 13mm, estradiol is up to 73, progesterone 0.3 and LH at 5.6. For whatever reason I'm behind where I should be on the calendar, but hormones vs. follicle size is normal and on the rise. No idea what the hold up was, but we're back in the game.

We even did a little dance after my ultrasound this morning.

Next doctor's appointment is Monday. J is going home tomorrow night - he'll head back up here when it's time for the retrieval.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

J's car broke down yesterday.

When I say broke down, what I mean is, it's running, but the garage told us to say our goodbyes. It's a crappy commuter car, that would be worth about 20-bucks as a trade in. This is not a surprise. But what shitty pain in the ass timing.

The ridiculous part? J dropped it off yesterday afternoon for an estimate and told them that while they were working on it to go ahead and fix the AC (hasn't worked in a year). So instead of calling to tell him what was wrong with the car first before they did any work to it, they fixed the AC and then told us the car would only last another few weeks. Ass. Holes. We dropped $170 into a car that's next drive is towards the junkyard.

Actually, now that I think about it, why the hell did we pay that? My head's so wrapped around what's going on with my ovaries that it didn't occur to me until just now to tell them to go fuck themselves.

Ugh...I have a phone call to make this morning.

Beware the wrath of the IVF scorned...

The Ovarian Daily News

I had this aching, dull pain in my abdomen all afternoon. It feels a bit like it does when I ovulate, only not as intense. And it was just for a few hours...as opposed to when I ovulate, it usually lasts a good 24 hours.

Curious as to what they'll discover on Saturday...also ready to be put out of my misery and go home.

Random thoughts from the last 24 hours:

1. If only I could kick myself in the ovaries....
2. Seriously? No. SERIOUSLY!?!
3. I'm exhausted.
4. I'm so pissed off.
5. If that doctor charges us $1k for two days worth of bloodwork, I'll kill myself.
6. Becoming the neighbor Cat Lady is starting to sound good.
7. I want to go home.
8. Hey, maybe this is the underdog egg that comes back from the brink of disaster and becomes the kid I ground until I'm dead.
9. Wow, that was one stupid, hopeful thought.
10. Fuck hopeful.
11. Why am I not in the car going home?
12. I'm so exhausted.
13. We've really wasted our lives in the last few years.
14. We've wasted so much money.
15. If Paris Hilton ever has a kid, they're going to have to put me away for a long, long time.
16. I miss my husband.
17. I miss my dog.
18. I miss my bed.
19. Fuck DC traffic.
20. I miss my commute.
21. I miss being 21 when my biggest worry was getting pregnant.
22. Speaking of 21, I miss alcohol.
23. Is it possible to win the lottery without actually wasting money on a ticket?
24. Oh my god, gas is how much?
25. Fuck Bush, I can't wait to read McClellan's book.
26. What's up with nurse not being able to find a vein (again).
27. Fuck this nurse, man.
28. Seriously, I'm going to stab her with that needle in a minute.
29. Yo doc, maybe if you hadn't bruised my internals with that ultrasound wand, we'd still be friends...and maybe my shit would be working.
30. Why isn't my shit working?
31. The IVF drugs have finally and permamently fucked me up. I'm so pissed at myself for taking them.
32. This is my worst nightmare.
33. We can conqure male infertility, but I can't handle anymore fertility problems...I'm obviously not a miracle-worker.
34. Try not to freak out and wait for Saturday's results...remember the underdog theory.
35. Fuck Saturday...I'm so close to giving up.

Theories

There was much discussion between the docs about my ovaries today. They went back and forth trying to decide if they should just cancel me now, or retest.

They decided to drag out my agony a few more days and retest on Saturday. Part of me just wants to say "fuck it" and go home. Seriously, we can't get pregnant when IVF goes right - how the shit is this gonna work?

I guess in my brain, IVF has already ended and Saturday is a check-up to see what the fuck is wrong with me. No one has a clue right now, but here are...

The Theories:

Novarel can screw up your cycle a little bit
The doc's theory: It shouldn't cause this many issues though.
My hopeful theory: Benadryl puts me into weeklong comas, and one Tylenol is a cure for broken bones...my body overreacts to shit - plain and simple. This is my normal.
My actual theory: My body has shut down because I allowed myself to be injected with god-knows-what-drugs - this is the Universe saying "I told you so". We will never have kids.

Maybe Novarel did mess up your timing, and your body is just trying to catch up
The doc's theory: On Saturday, your levels could be much higher.
My hopefuly theory: On Saturday I'm exactly where I should be to trigger, we harvest on Monday. In 9 months - the party's at my house.
My actual theory: The ultrasound will show that my ovaries have left the building never to be seen again.

This is a one time thing brought on by stress, and leftover hormones, next month you'll be fine.
The doc's theory: Next month I'll be getting more money out of her.
My hopeful theory: There won't be a next month because I'll be knocked up.
My actual theory: I've hit menopause and am forever barren.

Maybe you miscalculated your cycle.
The doc's theory: Jesus, this woman can't even fucking count.
My hopefuly theory: That I really am that stupid.
My actual theory: I recounted the days 17 fucking times, even Skeet Ulrich could tell you I'm screwed.

I hate it when I'm right

Something is seriously the fuck wrong.

The clinic just called - my estradiol is at 54 and progesterone is at 0.6. These levels are perfectly normal - for Day 2. The nurse who called thought this was my baseline test. I had to remind her that this isn't baseline, this is Day 8 (they let me skip baseline because I live so far away).

She's checking with the doctor to see what we should do. As it stands, they don't want to see me again until Monday. Or at all? I don't know.

I feel like this is my body's retribution for me fucking with it for so long.

I've IVF'd myself infertile.

Greetings from our Nation's Capital

As always, I procrastinated in packing. Yeterday was a blur of me frantically cramming all the crap I own into the back of my car - only to get here and realize I left the damn syringes at home. No biggie - I only need one for the Novarel, which (as it turns out) might be a while.

This morning was my first appointment - they did an ultrasound and bloodwork. I'm a bit concerned about this cycle already. Today would technically be Day 8, at this point they should be measuring my follicle - but as of my appointment, everything was still so small the doc couldn't even determine which side I was ovulating from (it should be from my left side - since that's where it was 2 months ago).

My period was totally screwed up last week - came early, stopped, started...very strange for me. My labwork/hormone levels won't be in until this afternoon - so hopefully that will shed some light on what's going on. Based on my ultrasound though, the doctor said I wouldn't have to be in the clinic again until Saturday. Assuming my bloodwork is on par with that, then I will probably head back home tonight, and come back to DC super early Saturday morning.

BTW - damn the price of gas.

I'm trying not to worry too much about the ultrasound - who knows, maybe my body is just working really slowly - which (I keep telling myself) could be a good thing, because then hopefully I won't ovulate before my retrieval, and that He-Man (or She-Ra) egg will be ridiculously healthy and I'll be popping out the world's bouncing-est baby in 9 months.

Time will tell. Although unfortunately, my intuition usually seems to be right...and I'm not digging what's happening so far.