Follicles!

I'm feeling much more sane today. I had my bloodwork and ultrasound this morning. The nurse asked me how I was feeling - I told her that physically, I'm good, but mentally I've jumped the track somewhere. Told her about my Monday night breakdown...followed by my Tuesday crying all day episode, and then my Tuesday NIGHT breakdown. I don't know whether or not to be extremely pissed about this...or relieved (I think I'm mostly relieved), but apparently once you have enough Bravelle in your system, it screws with you emotionally. She told me that they don't list that as a side effect on their printouts because they don't want to "suggest" that to patients...they wait for the patients to say something to them first. I guess I can see the reasoning behind it...as I said, I have become a major hypochrondriac these last few weeks. But instead of spending the last 48 hours on the brink of insanity, it would've been comforting to know that I'm not the only one. There are 7 of us doing IVF this month at the clinic. Apparently there are 5 of us suffering the "mental meltdown" (so far). I was crying my eyes out when she was telling me this...I was so damn relieved I can't even begin to describe it. Here I thought I was being this total weak pathetic person...well, by god, it's not me...it's the drugs (ok, it's me AND the drugs...but at least I don't have to take ALL the blame). :)

So, I'm back on track. Well, mostly. I'm still crying for no damn reason. On my way home from the hospital today it started sleeting...and I just started crying because it was so beautiful. Holy crap, I'm getting teared up just typing about it. Yeah....I'm not "back on track"...but at least I know WHY I'm crazy.

In other news - I had my first ultrasound today. I've got 10 follicles on each ovary. I had to come home and research it to make sure that was good. To be honest, once we get to the whole "follicle" part in this procedure, it's gets a little too medical for me. That and the fact that all the research I've done in the last 3 years on infertility never got me this far. I'd get to IVF and "needles"...you know the drill from there: I turn either white or green and pass out. Yuck. But...here I am....researching on the fly....20 follicles and all.

According to a site I found, having between 12 and 26 follicles means I have a very high success rate for IVF. But if I end up with too many more...that means I'm high-risk for hyperstimulation (that's the scary stuff with fluid on the heart & lungs). I'm in the safe range right now. From what I'm reading, the number of follicles doesn't necessarily mean that's how many eggs I'll end up with...but it's a good indicator. Anyway, my biggest follicle is 1.75 mm. The nurse who did my ultrasound said that's a pretty good size for now and it's on its way to maturing...the rest are smaller, but not far off from that. Although I just read something online that said 16-18mm is mature. Crikey...I've a ways to go if that's right.

Phew...just a side note here. I'm one of those people that can actually feel when they ovulate every month. Right now I don't feel anything...which is surprising as hell to me. I had a little bit of "heaviness" in my abdomen when I woke up this morning...but it's gone now...and that might've been because I had to pee like a racehorse when I woke up (been drinking a LOT!). Can you imagine if I've got 10 follicles on each ovary and they get to be 18mm?!? OUCH...I imagine I'm going to feel THAT.

The doctor is supposed to call soon with the results from my bloodwork and to talk about today's ultrasound. I'll be sure to educate myself a little better. Based on the u/s and the bloodwork they are going to adjust my meds. I hope to god that they'll want to cut back on the Bravelle. I'm going to be dehydrated if I cry too much more.

My egg harvesting is tentatively scheduled for next Tuesday (the 28th). Although if my ovaries take off, they'll do it earlier. So next Tuesday is my last day of injections and needles (I think). The doc says the harvesting is the worst part of the whole experience, but I'm completely out for it, so shockingly I'm not that nervous about it (yet). I'm nervous about the IV they'll give me. After that, I have to wait 3-5 days for implantation. I'm told they'll give me a valium for that to relax me, but otherwise I'm awake. Doc says it's like a painful pap smear. I can handle that....especially with valium! Until then, I've got bloodwork and ultrasounds on a daily basis so they can monitoring what's going on with me. ...I do get tomorrow off since it's Turkey day...but blood & u/s continue friday through the weekend.

I think I can, I think I can....