The Egg Harvesting

forgive me for any typos or tangents, i just took a tylenol PM and i have a lot of drugs still in me.

i apparently had a hard time with the anesthesia...i don't remember it, but they tell me i was fighting the drugs to the death...thrashing around, trying to get off the operating table. i remember getting the IV, then turning to the nurse and saying "I think i need more drugs, i'm not sleepy yet." to which she replied..."It's over honey, we got 10 eggs from you." it's so weird to completely lose time like that. she said they had to give me twice the amount of anesthesia i was supposed to have just to get me calmed down. so instead of spending about 20-30 minutes under anesthesia, it took me about 45+ minutes to wake up. and even then, my legs didn't work for about 30 minutes after that.

i was doing pretty good when i got there nervous-wise. but then they went t give me the IV. she messed with that thing for 5 minutes at least...couldn't get one in (all my damn veins are just collapsing because i've had so much bloodwork done), so she had to redo the whole thing on my other hand. i was crying and shaking by the time it was finally in. it sucked....from there on out it was straight-up nervousness.

i've got to keep this short so i don't pass out mid-post. but yes, 10 eggs (some were left in me because they were either not ready, or they were too hard to get to). they fertilized them this afternoon....how freakin' cool is it that i have babies (albeit in a lab) at this very mment. the doc will call toomrrow to let us know how quickly they're growing. doc said they have to be at the VERY leat 8 cells by friday....if not, that means they didn't work and we're just SOL. if they're 8 cell or just a little more (that would mean they're growing slowly), in that case, they would implant me on friday. he said if they're growing slowly, they have a better chance of survival if they're in me rather than in the lab. but it lowers my success rate overall. if they're growing quickly, they will wait and implant me on sunday (quickly would be 100 or so cells - blastocysts). it's better to wait, because the bigger they are, the better chance of implanting.

doc said we have 2 determining factors right now. One, their growth (which pretty much equals embryo quality). And two, my mental state (anxiety level) for the implantation. he said after my reaction to the procedure today, he's VERY concerned about me being able to be calm and still during the implantation. if i'm nervous, it will cause my uterus to contract and basically "spit out" any embryos he puts in there. for most implants, they give the patient a valium about an hour before. But he said he's considering knocking me out completely because of my low threshold for pain, the fact that my uterus is tilted backwards will make for a longer, more painful implantation and i'm have a good deal of bloating/pain just from the harvesting which will only get worse...so it's going to be more painful than i can probably handle.. if HE is nervous that i cant handle it, that makes ME even more nervous and i'd just assume to be out when they do it. god, how stupid would it be to lose the embryos because i'm nervous. i can't help that i'm nervous....i just get that way in doc offices....i seriously don't think i can control it. i tried to do some meditating this morning and it didn't do a damn thing for me.

procedure was at 4am. we got home around 6.... i was STARVING...so had some chicken noodle soup then crashed until about 11. both my 'rents came over today and chilled with me for a while. i'm feeling "ok" (and i use that loosely!). i'm very, very sore, when i DO stand up (bathroom trips only), i can't straighten up....it pulls too much on my abs which are just kiilling me. sneezing makes me want to die....have only done that once, thank god. mostly just been laying here with a heating pad all day. have dozed a few times as well. it's a dull ache heavy feeling. i feel like i have a 20 pound weight in my abdomen....that wants to fall out. doc says the pain will continue to get worse for the next few days. Ugh. I'm only allowed Tylenol....which thankfully works pretty well for me (so far).

that's the highlights...sorry i can' do more, i'm exhausted and loopy.


OH....(ok, one last push before the drugs win)....i had a hibiscous tree on the porch all summer - just moved it into the house about 2 months ago. It's at the balcony doors at the top of the steps. well, it hasn't bloomed since we moved it inside. when j helped me upstairs to bed this morning....there was a huge beautiful bloom on it. I hope it was a good sign. it was so weird...we both stopped dead in our tracks and went "holy shit".

i hope, i hope, i hope.