Thursday's doc appointment went well. I had a huge list of questions which the doc answered. We laid out my "IVF Calendar" which tells me what days i have to do which injections, blood work, ultrasounds (my GOD when did reproduction get so complicated?).

I did have a rather "weird" (ok, scary) thing happen to me on Thursday. We were about an hour away from going to the appointment when I started having a hard time catching my breath. It was like I had just run up and down the stairs a few times (it's sad, I'm out of shape), only I was sitting on the couch. From there I got kind of panicd...which of course helped. I ended up hyperventilating and got tingly all over. THEN...I think I had a hot flash...and that was proceeded by 20 minutes of a COLD flash (I didn't even know that could happen). I was buried under an electric blank (on high), 2 heavy blankets on top of that and a heating pad on my chest. And it still took 20 minutes to warm me back up. It was really bizarre. I didn't hurt or anything...but it really freaked me out.

I called the doctor as soon as it happened. He said that he wasn't sure why I was having shortness of breath...but sometimes a hot flash (which is a side effect of the meds) can be followed by a cold flash. And he thought maybe the shortness of breath was because of the birth control since I'd had a pretty hard time with it. I was in the doc office about an hour later and he said he'd go ahead and end my misery from the pill...took me off it a few days early.

However, I had the same thing happen to me last night...shortness of breath...a teeny hot flash...really, I'm not even sure if that counted as one...but then i had the cold chill thing happen immediately afterwards. Again...buried in covers...took a good half hour to warm me back up. Doc said it's just a reverse hot flash and apparently it happens to a lot of women going through menopause (which is where I am right now)...your hormones get a little off-whack and your body goes crazy thinking your core temp is off and then overcompensates. I'm going to end up with frost bite while in my heated house.

I read online where some women get a feeling of "something's not right" / some type of anxiety / or even a "feeling of suffocation" right before a flash. So maybe that's what my breathing thing is. It doesn't hurt of anything...just feels "heavy"...like I'm trying to breath, but someone's sitting on me. Ok...I guess I just described "feeling of suffocation". Anyway...got that.

The IVF calendar is my new best friend. According to it I only have one scary shot (intramuscular - given 36 hours before the egg harvesting)...and then the actual egg harvesting. Everything else is supposed to be "cake". I'm totally out for the egg harvesting. I've been under before...and last time it made me really sick...but at least I know what to expect. I'm not crazy about the fact that J has to give me my intramuscular shot. Seriously...what the hell? THAT is a long needle...I want somebody who knows what they're doing. Ugh....at least this way it's wife/husband bonding? That's the story I'm going with (I guess). Damn, that is gonna hurt.

The doctor is giving me a bit of a hard time now about the progesterone shots. This upset me a little bit at the appointment. I had a conversation with him a few weeks ago and told him there was just no way I could handle a DAILY instramuscular shot in my hip...which HE even admitted was going to hurt. I told him I saw online where they did creams & pills for that kind of thing. My boss and 2 other women at work did IVF and they ALL used the cream and got pregnant on the first round. The doc even told me when I talked to him a few weeks ago that the shot & cream were pretty much all just at effective.

So then during the appointment I busted out my box of progesterone. He had apparently "forgotten" that they prescribed/ordered that for me and now he's trying to talk me into doing at least 2 weeks of the injection. WHAT? I don't mind if he had suggested that maybe I should do that...but now I feel like I'm under some guilt trip...what if I do the cream and I lose the baby(s), I've got nobody to blame but myself. Jeffrey thinks I'm overreacting and that the dr. didn't say it like that...but that's totally how I felt when we left there. All I could think was...holy crap, if something goes wrong, now that's ALL I'm going to think about and I'm going to blame myself for being so much of a wimp. I had it all figured out until he opened his mouth. I keep trying to tell myself that I'm not going to let myself be guilted into doing something to my body when the alternative works perfectly fine. You know what...I just need to stand by my guns on this one. Ugh...I hate second-guessing myself. He DID say that he'd let me do whichever I wanted...

I start my next round of drugs on Friday. Right now I'm on Lupron...so as of Friday my Lupron gets cut in half and I start on Bravelle. I'll be doing 2 injections a day (sore, sore tummy) for a week. The day before Thanksgiving I start doing bloodwork and ultrasounds everyday...according to my bloodwork, they'll adjust my intake of Bravelle daily until they can decide I'm ready to have my eggs removed.

Ok - you want to know something bizarre? They took me off the pill last week...I finally just started my period today. My period will probably just be ending as they're giving me drugs to make my ovaries go into overdrive. Soooooo not natural (not that any of this is). It's no wonder they only let you do IVF every few months...your body needs a break.

Anyway...I'm feeling good so far (with the exception of the flashes)....my biggest complaint is just being exhausted. I'm falling asleep (if I'm lucky) around 7:30 / 8pm...and a few times it's been more like 6pm. Although when I get up in the morning I feel great.

J's out of town for work tonight, so I've got a friend coming over to do my injection tonight. J and I are going out of town this weekend for a football game. Rather...HE is going to the football game...I'm getting dragged along - as my shot-giver AND my backup shot giver will both be there. I'm a bit nervous about starting a new drug and in the same night going out of town. But we're staying right across the street from a hospital...so that makes me feel better!

The thought of being pregnant is getting a little closer to home. It just occurred to me yesterday that I have THREE rooms I need to paint before I get pregnant. Don't want precious cargo around the fumes. I made myself a hair appointment while everybody's at the game this weekend. I want to get my hair straightened...but I'm not doing THAT while I'm preg either. So it's down to the line. Painting and straightening...gotta get all these chemicals out of the way. You know...so I can inject some into me. haha.

Once I got organized at the doctor appointment last week I'm feeling a lot better mentally. This whole process really isn't THAT bad (I'm not saying daily injections are fun....but it's not a horrific as I thought it was going to be). Knock on wood. I just hope it works....would be pretty devastating to get a negative test after all this.