Results Day...doesn't look good

No results yet. I'm hoping they'll call soon, although I already know that it's negative. And oddly enough I'm already coming to grips with it.

I called the doc this morning to tell him about the heavy bleeding and to see if I should even go for the test. He told me to go ahead and do it and at the very least they can get an idea of where my hormone levels are today and maybe they can figure out if there was a specific problem that they can look out for next time.

Plus...probably a good idea to be totally sure that I'm NOT pregnant before I hit the bottle extra hard this weekend.

I cried the entire time I was at the lab this morning (the nurse thought she had seriously injured me when she took blood...tried to explain to her, but it came out like "sniff, blah, blah, sniffle, sob, moan"). I and cried even harder on the drive home. And then I thought to myself: how screwed up does this "higher power" or Karma or the Universe in general, whatever - have to be to me that I actually wore a TAMPON to my pregnancy test and I'm STILL thinking maybe it's positive anyway. Then I started laughing like a crazy person. And over the last 2 hours it's just kind of sunk in that I knew the whole time I wasn't pregnant...and at least for Round Two I know what to expect and maybe I'll be able to handle it better (I'm such a nervous person when it comes to doctors). So maybe I won't be so nervous and I'll be relaxed and that will give me a better chance.

Plus I'm trying to make a mental list of things that I can do being once again in the world of the non-preggies. For instance...paint, lift things, start back to the gym (yeah, right). I've truly missed my dear friend Blue Cheese...so I'll make it a point to have some tonight. I'm going to go to shitloads of wine tastings and I'm switching back to regular coffee. Not to mention I won't be terrified to have sex...so there's a plus for DH (we haven't done it since the implantation...and I don't want to be one of those crazy women who doesn't have sex while they're pregnant).

All that said...I'm sure I'll be sobbing again when the "official" news comes in. Why doesn't the phone just ring and just put me out of my misery?? Trying to stay positive...I mean I've lost nothing, right?