I went to Florida and I all I came home with were these 3 wimpy embryos

This morning was the embryo transfer. I wish I could tell you how it went, but I wasn't really there. Here are the parts I remember:

We got there around 6am, transfer was scheduled for 6:30. We were the only ones being implanted today (yes...EVERYBODY else in the cycle has stronger, faster growing embryos and all their transfers are on Saturday...jerks), so they got me stripped down, on the table and IV started the moment we arrived.

Now there are two very important factors that determine if IVF works: embryo quality, and the ease of the implantation. Embryo quality is pretty obvious - the bigger they are, the healthier. The delicate part is the implantation. They take a long skinny catheter, situate it up in your uterus with the ultrasound - and basically inject them in. That's it. My uterus is tilted backwards - I've got a 90+ degree turn right before my cervix which a catheter is unable to manuever. Well, without violent force. "Violent Force" isn't exactly condusive to "ease of implantation."

Last time we did this the implantation was horrific. What should've taken about 5 minutes took an hour and a half, with me bleeding, crying, pleading for death...and all that while I was under sedation....with drugs that were supposedly taking the edge off.

THIS time...my lovely and wonderful doctor brought in the anesthesiologist...with The New Drug. My Best Friend....well, kind of.

The IV was put in. Phew...hate that part. The doctor comes in and I ask him if we actually DO have 3 8+cell embryos today. He says he has no idea, we're still waiting for the embryologist to come up from the lab. Jeffrey and I are kind of looking at each other like - what the...? The whole 2 minutes since we arrived happened a little too quickly...we were expecting to sit down with the doctor and the embryologist and have a little pow-wow about why the heck we keep having the same problems with our embryos - THEN get ready for this madness. Instead I have been rushed into the OR, strapped to a table, the IV is already in and we still have no idea what's going on. I am laying on the table all prepped ASSUMING that the anesthesiologist hasn't started the sedatives because - well, doesn't he KNOW that I have a zillion questions for the doctor?

I only realize that my assumption is wrong because all of a sudden I get that burning down my left arm. Jason, my fiance anesthesiologist, isn't drugging me today - it's a new guy. I have to rub my own arm. I'm irritated at the new guy, this is bad anesthesia ettiquette. You gotta warn a sistah before you put her out...as soon as I get over the damn burning I'm panicking trying to tell him - "Hold on! I'm not ready! The embryologist isn't even here yet! I have questions!" But it's too late, I can hear people somewhere off in the distance talking ABOUT me instead of TO me: "Yeah, this stuff should make her pretty happy....it also gives people short term amnesia, she'll be really confused when she wakes up." I'm conscious just long enough to hear Jeffrey's reply: "Should make for another interesting ride home."

I crack my eyes open and the first person I see is the Cathy/Martha nurse from recovery. I'm so confused about what the hell just happened. Last time for the implantation I was under sedation, but I was awake the entire time. I knew they were sedating me THIS time, but I thought it was the same - until I woke up I had no idea I was going to be asleep for the whole procedure. Stupid anesthesiologist...Emily Post should kick your ass.

Cathy/Martha is rumaging around in a cabinet looking for something and making a huge racket. Apparently I've been out HARD for a while and she looks amazed that the 150 decibels of noise she was just making woke me up. I hear a man's voice to my left: "Well, there she is". It's Jeffrey. Thank god...someone I know. I'm confused like I've never been before and I'm terrified...I have no idea where I am and I can't recall anything in that moment except my alarm clock going off at 4:30am. I can feel tears welling up. I try asking what happened, but my mouth is so dry I can't get words out. The other nurse walks in and looks surprised to see me awake. Jeffrey tells her I need water. She doesn't think I can handle water yet, but he makes her get it anyway. God I love this man.

J tells me that even HE was surprised that I slept during the entire procedure. I'm so upset I missed it - not the pain part, but the one crowning moment of the entire cycle. The one moment that makes the entire cycle seem worth it: being able to watch the ultrasound at the exact second the embryos are put inside. The exact second you're deemed "technically pregnant". And I slept right frickin' through it. Damn that anesthesiologist.

I start tearing up again (hormones, amnesia, anesthesia...I missed the preggo part...what can I say...). I look up and J is holding an ultrasound picture in his hand. The Exact Second. He had asked the doc for a photo when it happened. Did I mention I love this man??? God I love this man.

Once I regain speech I have J recount the entire morning:

IV kicks in. Seconds later I'm a goner. Apparently the embryologist was in the room before I was totally out - he's the one that made the amnesia comment that I vaguely remember hearing. Jeffrey said after that I was laying there with my eyes only occassionally peeping open, but it was obvious I was feeling nothing. He said before HE knew it, he was looking at the catheter in my uterus on the ultrasound screen. He said the whole thing probably didn't even last 5 minutes. The doctor asked him "Are we putting all three in?" Um...see, THAT is a question that perhaps WE could've been discussed BEFORE the drugs. Oh well...J & I had decided it yesterday. Yes...all three 8-cell embryos. There is now a special place in hell reserved just for us.

J said as soon as the embryos were in, everybody cleared out...just me snoozin' and him holding my hand. Doc came back in a few minutes later to remove my IV. J said I barely, barely woke up as he was removing it. Which doesn't surprise me because I have a huge bandage on my hand that's full of blood...J said when he popped that needle out I squirted blood. Ew. Ew. Ew. That doc is rough...if anybody was going to wake me up (even barely), it was gonna be him.

Anyway, while he was removing it, he says to me (in this great middle eastern accent which Jeffrey has down exactly): "You did good girl!" J said I mumbled: "really, you're not just saying that?" I am told I was using a tiny little voice. My god - was I flirting with the man? What in the world? Anyway...the doc replied: "You mean I'm not bullshitting you?" At this point J says I laughed hysterically and immediately fell back to sleep.

This cracked me up because somewhere in the very back of my brain I can remember the doc saying something about "bullshit" and me thinking him cussing was the funniest thing I had ever heard.

After that, the nurse and Jeffrey helped me (read: dragged me) back to another room where I was deposited in this fabulously comfortable leather recliner. And here's more brownie points for my mate: I've been so uncomfortable with all the fluid I've retained in my abdomen (13 pounds of water as of yesterday) from the hyperstim that I can NOT lay on my side (which is of course my most comfortable sleeping position) and being on my back just makes me sore. Last night I slept sitting up. So J had them sit me up in the recliner to sleep off the drugs. God I need to remember all these brownie points the next time I get mad at him.

Anyway - I apparently slept for about an hour and a half. The procedure was over by 6:45...and my sleepin' ass didn't get up until about 8:30. It was about 9 before we left the office.

So that's it. I've got three embryos swimming around inside me. Here's hoping that at least one will latch on and make itself at home.

I'm on bedrest (again) today...Jeffrey ran out and bought me lots of fruit...and a huge container of mac & cheese. I'm still so swollen in my abdomen that I can't eat more than a few bites without feeling full. The doc says if I get pregnant (IF implantation happens, it will be in the next 72 hours) the prego hormones will make the hyperstim worse...I'll be loaded with water weight until my body starts to adjust to everything going on (anywhere from a few weeks to a couple months). Here's hoping. Also, he said if suddenly all the fluid is flushed out of my body (within a few days), that's a sure sign it DIDN'T work. Let's hope that doesn't happen.

Alright...preg test is in 2 weeks. Fingers crossed.