Summer Vacation

Long, cleansing sigh....Phewwwwwwww.....

I just gotta say I picked a hell of a way to totally waste 7 months of my life, didn't I? :) I mean if you're going to waste 7 months, it should be full of alcohol, cabana boys and sunburn. Mine consisted of tens of thousands of dollars wasted, 263 needles piercing my skin, thousands of dollars worth of drugs pumped into my body that may cause cancer later on, no less than 37 doctors staring up my hooch, 4 needles shoved into my ovaries, and tiny little lives flushed down the toilet.

Do I know how to party or what?

Here is the aftermath: Relief. Let's set aside the fact that I've been beaten and bruised for 7 months, that our dreams of starting a family seem to get further and further away the harder we try. Take away all that: Relief. Relief that for the next 4 or 5 months, I'm done with this crap.

Do you remember being in grade school - that feeling you had on the very last day of class? You were SO excited that you had the entire summer ahead of you - no responsibilities - staying out until the streetlights came on.

That was me yesterday as I left the hospital for the last time.

I felt like I should've been running across the parking lots with my arms flailing, screaming at the top of my lungs: "I'M FREE! I'M FREE!"

I know that's a weird as hell reaction to all this. But there it is. I'm not doing another cycle right away - I get my life back for the summer. I get to go to the lake and watch my dog roll in the mud. I can go camping. I can lay on my couch and veg. I can go to all the wineries I want (oh and I will…and J WILL be my dd!).

I'm on summer vacation. I'm free to forget all this stuff. I literally don't even want to think about it. I don't want to talk about it. I have moved all the leftover drugs and syringes to a place where I won't even SEE them. I want to spend the entire summer NOT thinking about it, NOT researching it, NOT reading about it. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. For the next 4-5 months, we're not two infertile people. We're just two people that aren't trying to get pregnant.

Ahhhh....I'm free....