Well overdue –

Today would’ve been my due date from the first cycle of IVF. God it’s weird to think how different my life would be this very second had that first one worked. It’s weird to have this date stuck in my head – an anniversary of nothing. I don’t know how I feel about it. I’m not depressed like I expected to be. But I can’t help but be filled with this strange sense of emptiness and quiet. I’d like to say I’m coming to grips with the whole situation (now THAT would be way overdue)…but I’m not sure that’s it either.

It’s like a day of grieving. But for what? Can we even grieve this? I mean what IS “this”? J and I are the only ones on the planet that know what today is.

It’s strange to think that since my very first injection from IVF, other women have gotten pregnant and given birth. And the only thing that’s happened to us is another uneventful year has passed by.

And I also find it strange that on this date – no different from any other – a completely random Wednesday - that so many big things are happening today to those around me:.

My best friend and her husband are closing on their first house today – a beautiful Victorian. It’s really MY dream house, but they ended up with it. I can’t wait to go visit.

My hubby is moving into a fancy new office that he’s totally excited about…he doesn’t know it yet, but I have big plans to help him interior-design-it-up.

Some good friends of our signed separation papers yesterday – they both seem to be in a good place about it. It’s still such a sad situation. Their papers are on the way to the courthouse as I type.

Today is one week from my 30th birthday (ok, that’s a stretch)…but in one week a very good friend of mine is flying into Colorado to visit us for 5 days…I’m very excited.

This weekend the birthday festivities begin. J’s company picnic is at the lake on Saturday…I love the lake (I have greedily requested a cheap kayak for my birthday). After the picnic, some friends & family are joining us at one of my favorite restaurants downtown for dinner and drinks.

So that’s that. A random Wednesday…like a zillion others that have come and gone. Lots of things happening today. Nothing happening today. It’s a strange day.