Compliments of B - this cracked me up:
1. “I was attacked by a swarm of navel-obsessed bumble bees.”
2. “You’ve probably heard of dung-eating beetles, but have you ever heard of belly lint grasshoppers?”
3. “First time using a vibrator – those things are hard to handle at top speed!!”
4. “Just some collateral damage from when I KICKED THE CRAP OUT OF YOUR BRATTY KID”
5. “Let me just tell you, do NOT get your belly button pierced at Stevie Wonder’s House of Body Art!”
6. “I went hunting with Dick Cheney and all I got was this shotgun spray bruise”
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