O, Sleep, where art thou?

I’ll just start right off with the silver lining so I can get that out of the way and then ramble on as my cranky self: I got to see the sun rise this morning. Ok, enough of the happy crap.

I went to sleep around 11 last night. Woke up shortly before 3. I suppose I should be thankful that I got almost 4 hours of sleep last night. It’s one of my longest night’s sleep since I started cracking out on the drugs. See, to fall asleep there’s a chain reaction of chemicals & hormones that kick off in your body. One of those is estrogen. Something (thanks to Lupron) I have very little of in my body right now. Lupron sends your body quite literally into menopause – flat-lining all your hormones so your body doesn’t do anything reproductive until you shoot yourself up with another drug to trigger it. We’re going strictly “au (un) naturel” here. You’ve heard of menopausal women complaining about insomnia…this is exactly the reason why. But, I digress.

Put simply: despite all the hormones ravaging my body right now, I’m lacking a hormone my body needs to shut down.

I am able to fall asleep (most nights). The hard part for me is staying that way. I keep having this dream that I wake up and it’s 6am. So when I wake up, although it’s still dark in our bedroom, I’m all happy and stretching and thinking…oh man, I slept for SO long. I feel SO good. Only to roll over, look at the clock and realize it’s actually 1:17am. For some reason that’s always the time when I wake up. Then, if I’m really lucky, I’ll doze back off for an hour or so. But most nights, I wake up at 1, or 2 or at the latest – 3…and I lay there frustrated as crap as my husband softly snores beside me. I swear...he can be so inconsiderate sometimes.

The weird part (that I’m thankful for) is that I’m not tired during the day. I tried to nap yesterday afternoon – just because I know my body needs it, but I wasn’t tired. Ended up just laying there staring off into space for an hour. At least it was a little “rest”, even if it wasn’t sleep.

I’ve been really irritable since last night (oh wait…that was only a few hours ago). Stupid new drugs = stupid new side effects. Just trying to remember that my body is working overtime right now. I’ve still got a slight heaviness in my abdomen, although it’s becoming more localized. I feel like I can tell exactly where my ovaries are now.

In other irritating as hell news: one of the cats has peed somewhere in the house. I ask you, is there a smell worse than cat pee? I will answer for you. No, there is not. I must’ve accidentally locked one of the little buggers in the house without access to the Great Outdoors. I can’t find where the smell it coming from. It smells like it’s coming from everywhere. The second my eyes popped open at 3am, that was what I was greeted with: cat pee….right up in my nose. I swear to god it’s the only thing I can smell now…and I’m sitting outside on the porch typing this. Cat Pee. I also noticed that our bathroom smells like J’s dirty socks. That’s the only smell second to cat pee.

I can’t help but wonder if this is some new and bizarre side effect:

Follistim: May cause The Crazies, your ovaries to burst, stroke, death, anal leakage (ok, F doesn’t really have that SE, but doesn’t it seem like a shockingly large number of drugs out there DO?), penis shrinkage, and your nose to detect cat pee and dirty-sock smell.

I can’t take it…my day will be spent scrubbing down every inch of the place.

Oh my god. I lied…there IS another more up-beat note to this post. I just got to see my neighbor come outside in his robe to pick up his paper. Fat man in a little green robe… I feel like I can start my day now…