Oh god I'm having a bad day. Or rather - a few hours of panic. I just got my big bunch of drugs from FedEx a few hours ago. I thought I'd be all excited just to have everything here in the house. Then I opened the box and discovered the 22 gauge, 1.5 inch intramuscular needles. I feel sick just thinking about it. God I hope that's only for one shot. But they sent 40 needles in that size. What the hell have I gotten myself into? They're seriously as long as my pinky. I REALLY hope J isn't the one that has to give those to me. If I've got somebody sticking something in me THAT big, I'd like them to have a dr degree hanging on their wall. I'd also like to have a bottle of wine first. You know what...I'm going to ask if I can drink a glass before the big shots. What the hell, right? I'm pumping my body full of so many other toxins just to GET pregnant...a glass of wine might be healthier.

Our next doc appointment is on Thursday - we're supposed to take all our drugs (and needles) with us so they can show us how to use them. I got 42 vials of Bravelle (that's my next drug)...I thought I was only supposed to be on that for 5-7 days. I don't get what's going on here. If that doctor lied to me about the number of needles I'm going to hunt him down like an animal. I'm totally confused by this massive box of meds I have...came with lots of pills too...one for diabetes (maybe to keep fluid off my organs?), one for pain, one for allergies, one of them is for depression...what? I'm sure they'll clear all this up at the appointment, but right now it seems very scary. They also prescribed me prenatal vitamins. Kind of wish they'd asked me about that first...I already had a fav that I'd like to stick with. Maybe I can get a new prescription at the appointment.

You want to hear something really disgusting? The hCG hormone they're giving me to stimulate my ovaries...it's from pregnant human urine. Great...I'll take two. Well, at least I have THAT thought in my head to distract me from the inch and a half long needle that will inject it into my rear-end.

Timeline for the egg harvesting is somewhere around the 26th or 27th of this month. They'll be monitoring my hormone levels right around Turkey Day...and they'll decide on the exact date probably last minute. Implantation will be 3-5 days later. And I get to go in for the preg test 2 weeks from that day. So everything's going to happen end of this month - first few days of December. I can't wait for December to get here so it's all over....I've never wanted to wish time away as much as I do this month. I'll just try to focus on Christmas. Or the mid-December preg test...although I'm sure I'll end up with an ulcer waiting for the day I can take that.

I actually got a good night's sleep last night...had weird dreams, but don't remember them and J said he only had to wake me up once. And I'm feeling a zillion times better today. Yesterday I spent the whole day just trying not to fall asleep....I also had some swelling in my hands and knees...but today, not at all. Another weird thing - the shot i'm getting goes just below the belly button and then a teeny bit to the left or right (so you can switch side every night). For whatever reason - when I get the shot on my right side, I get REALLY woosy afterwards. The first time it happened within minutes I was seeing black spots and had to lay down. 5 minutes later - totally fine. Same thing happened last night, only it took about 5 minutes to kick in. He shot me, we went to the video store and I just about fell on my face. Had to sit in the car a few minutes to get my head back on. It was so weird...I felt fine afterwards. Fainting is also one of the side effects....so I don't know if it actually has anything to do with the right-side of my tummy or not. But very weird. The fluid-on-the-organ-drugs don't start until a few days before the egg harvesting (and I think it's only one injection). So believe me, I'll be on the lookout for that super-crazy stuff. I'll probably just start camping out at the emergency room door just in case.

I'm also have some serious food issues. As in - I can't stop eating. I wake up in the middle of the night hungry. Last night...I ate a half jar of pickles. Ok, that is SUCH a pregnancy craving...I have many more needles to go before I want weird foods like that. I only remembered to mention that because I'm currently STARVING. I just had a huge lunch like 2 hours ago and I've got dinner on the brain right now. It's very weird for me...on a normal basis, I eat small portions. I'm shoving down tons of food at one sitting...and then still hungry later. Haven't gained any weight (yet) though. My body must be working overtime with all the drugs I've got going on.