Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Belize Navidad!

We're off for a lovely week in Belize. Central America for New Year's. Can't wait!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Pathology report just came back...

...and no cancer cells were found. So relieved!

We're going out for a celebritory dinner tomorrow night (still a bit under the weather tonight).

NOW I can start getting excited about NCIVF.

Alright - off to thank my Lucky Stars.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Greetings from Percocet Land!

My surgery went really well. The doc thought the tumor was about the size of a grape - they ended up pulling something out of me the size of a golf ball. Ga-rooossss!

It'll be about a week for the pathology report to come back, but the doctor said he really doesn't think it's anything to worry about - he said it looked like a "fibrous mass gone crazy". Gotta love those hormones.

As far as scarring goes - he made the incision right along the edge of the aerola, so once it heals, it shouldn't even be visible. And even though he pulled out such a huge hunk of mess, there was very, very little puckering (and really I can't see it in the mirror, only when I look down at it...and the dr said he expected even that to fill out eventually). I was shocked at how "normal" it looked.

My other concern was breastfeeding. The incision starts at around 12:00 and goes to 6:00 - it wasn't supposed to be that big, until he realized how big the tumor was. So basically I've lost half of my milk ducts on the left side. But he said that it should still work from one side when the time comes, just won't produce as much.

The really weird part of the whole thing - yesterday when I woke up I kept having this shooting pain right in between my breasts (no where near the incision). Dr said it was probably some nerve damage. I had absolutely no feeling in my left breast. So all the parts that should've hurt felt nothing. Instead I was having stabbing sensations in my chest and my left arm is sore as hell (like I had slept on it all night). It was kind of hilarious (well, I was laughing at everything on the drugs).

As of this afternoon I have gotten back most of the feeling (which means I've had a lot more percocet today!), but relieved that I will have sensation once it's healed.

I was a total nervous wreck going into the surgery. I lost it when I was filling out the registration form and right under my name was written: "Left Breast Lumpectomy". Freaked me out. But I can't even begin to describe how wonderful this doctor was - and all his staff. Quickest, most painless IV I've ever had - and I've had a lot lately. I think IV-insertion is my new way of ranking doctors. :) Everybody was so comforting. I woke up in recovery with a lady shoving ice chips in my mouth (god love her). The doctor probably spent 20 minutes just talking to us and answering questions before they even hooked me up to anything. Everbody was so patient and caring. These people are getting a thank you letter from me. For such a scary experience I felt very safe.

And my incredible husband has waited on me hand and foot since I got home. He had to go into work a few hours this morning for meeting he couldn't miss, so he called in one of my girlfriends to sit with me for a few hours (percocet and lots of stairs don't mix). He even did a load of laundry this morning just so I'd have my most comfortable bra to wear. What a good man he is.

The only stitches I have are internal - they'll dissolve. The incision is held together with surgical glue and then something on top of that that kind of looks like cloth-tape stuff. That stays on until I see the doc again (sometime next week), then they take it off.

The doc is a bit concerned about the timing of our Belize trip. He said the "out of the woods" for infection date is about 3 weeks. We leave for Belize in 2. I won't be allowed to go swimming (anything wetter than a shower is out). Which is a bummer, because I was signed up for scuba diving (was going to be my first time!). Oh well. He said he was just worried about medical care in a foreign country in case something should happen. But I'll take my chances...I need Belize after all this.

So glad to have all this mess over with. Getting excited about our NCIVF consultation next month.

Happy Holidays to all.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Tomorrow

...is the day. I'm strangely, not nervous. The calm before the storm, I suppose. J's been traveling for work - he comes home tonight and I made him promise to take me to the movies. No better distraction than that.

In other news, Aunt Flo showed up today, that evil bitch is kicking my ass right now. That aside, I was supposed to start charting a new basal body temp chart today and I completely forgot. I mean it's been 4+ years...I'm a bit out of the habit. I was hoping to have it to take with me when we go for our consultation next month. It's probably not a big deal that I missed today, but it will most likely be thrown off by tomorrow's surgery and the painkillers for the next few days...my lack of sleep for the next week while I'm uncomfortable as hell. Then it's off to Belize (like I'll remember to do it there). Hmmm...screw the damn BBT...this is a bad rep month....I've got enough to contend with.

Bring on the pain killers.

Friday, December 7, 2007

Jittery, skittery...

Less than a week left before my surgery. I’m getting really nervous. Today has been particularly hard. J leaves on Monday morning to travel for work – he’ll be gone Monday – Wednesday. My surgery is Thursday. This weekend we’re traveling out of town to visit my grandmother. I have a hundred things to do between now and next Thursday:

* Christmas shopping. I haven’t done any. I will probably be too sore after surgery to do any. Christmas with my fam is Dec. 22nd. Crap. As I mentioned before I have decided not to tell any of my fam about surgery…so somehow I’m going to have to hide this. Let’s see, breast surgery + seeing family for the holidays = lots of very painful hugs.

* My brother is coming in from CA, the day after my surgery, so I have to fit in seeing them. Them and their stupid fertile abili-ties.

* Immediately after Christmas, we leave for Belize. There’s no way I’ll be recovered enough for a bikini, so I’m not even packing one. The airport we’re flying out of is 4 hours away – so we still have to figure out logistics for that trip.

* We have yet to get a Christmas tree. We’re supposed to fit that in tonight before we get together with some friends for dinner. I have no idea when / if it will be decorated. In fact, I’m much less enthused to decorate it now that I’ve learned my in-laws will no longer be staying with us for the holidays:

* My mother-in-law (in attempt to try to make things easier on us) suggested we stay with them xmas eve, that way we don’t have to buy food right before we leave for vacation. Ha – like I was going to cook. Isn’t Papa John’s open on Christmas Eve? Very sweet of her, really. But with all the running around we’ve been doing (and lots more to come). Not to mention my complete lack of time/space to heal from impending surgery, I was really looking forward to sitting on my ass, on my couch, sipping my own very spiked eggnog. Now we’ll be living out of a suitcase, driving, hauling the dog around, and well, NOT sitting on my ass on my couch.

* Monday I have my blood work at the lab. Call me a wimp, but I get so nervous about having blood taken I could throw up. I can almost handle the surgery better– at least I’m asleep for that.

* Speaking of “handling the surgery” – did I mention I’m a nervous wreck? No? Oh. Well, I am. I want to jump in my canoe, ship off to sea and resurface in 5 years with amnesia. J, how does Panama sound to you? The drive to the hospital next Thursday is going to suck. I can see me grabbing the wheel out of J’s hands and trying to flip a U.

* Boobs. What is it with boobs and why are they so important? I’m not a vain person unless I’m having a particularly good hair day – so why am I spending 99% of my day freaking the fuck out over how I’ll look after this is over? Hell, our sex life has already taken quite the beating over it. Just the thought of what’s to come – and the huge mass of crap in me is enough to make me not want to be touched right now. How the hell am I going to feel when I come home beaten, bruised, stitched, carved and ultimately – scarred? My girls are in their prime for god’s sakes. There are topless beaches I have yet to conquer.

* The Big C: Why in god’s name am I freaking out over my boobs when there’s a much bigger and obvious threat hanging in front of me?

* The Two Week Wait. Hey, remember all those posts of me bitching about the 2 week wait after IVF to see if you’re pregnant? Ahhh, those were good times. From everything I’ve read (again, I was too deer-in-the-headlights to ask my doctor questions), it’s a 2 week wait after surgery to get test results back. The (new) Two Week Wait – damn the irony.

* The Six Week Wait. Honestly, I found the lump on Halloween. Can we just get it the fuck out of me already? It’s the second week of December for God’s sakes. Put me out of my misery.

* Whole Mess of Crap. I’ll just leave this little asterisk for all the other mess of gunk I’m currently forgetting to freak out about, but I’m sure I will later. That’s the thing about me freaking out – my brain can only handle so much at one time. For instance, this morning I was in such a haze that I brushed my teeth, but it took me 20 minutes to realize I had forgotten to use toothpaste. I feel like an Alzheimer's patient right now. I’m constantly repeating myself, re-asking questions and spacing out. Cooking dinner has turned into a mammoth project, which has ended with me being in tears twice now. Apparently operating more than one stove burner at a time is simply more than I have the capacity for.

Watch for me on the news: "Woman's Head Explodes Due to Whole Mess of Crap"

Video at 11.