Dr. Appointment

I had my appointment with the specialist today. They did another ultrasound. After two people (one was the doc the other was the u/s tech) took a look at my lump, they were both in agreement: it needs to come out. This being said after neither of them could tell me what it was.

I was smooshed to the ultrasound machine for a good 30 minutes while they hemmed and hawed over me. They pointed out what a cyst looks like...I had one - they showed me. A round shaped thing, totally black on the screen - very defined edges. Well this lump shows up as kind of a shadowy thing with no real defined edges.

The doc said he could do a biopsy - stick a needle in there and send it off for testing. However, he said that even if it did come back clean, he said he would worry that maybe he hadn't gotten the needle into all the "muck" - maybe he missed something...etc, and he would still want me to have it removed. My second option was just to have it removed, they'll send that off for testing. I'm not one for having a needle stuck in me for no reason, so they're removing this thing on December 13th. He said he could just numb it and do the surgery while I'm awake...but I told him I'd rather be asleep for this crap. I want no memories of this.

I go in for bloodwork on December 10th.

I just keep repeating to myself (out loud and in my head) that there's no point in freaking out - I won't know anything until after the results come back. I'm not at all scared about the surgery. I mean it sucks to be going in for a breast reduction given my already below average girls...I need all the tumors I've got to fill out my bikini while i'm in Belize. It didn't occur to me to even ask if there will be scarring, or if I'm going to be all deformed and crap. He gave me the options and before he finished his sentence I said: take it out.

It also occurs to me that it's weird they didn't do a mammogram, right? I don't know where my brain was while I was in that appointment. I thought I was referred there specifically for a mammo. Instead they did another u/s. I did tell them that I'd already had one done. I don't know why. I think I might be crackin' up a little...it really didn't even occur to me to ask.

I think I'm terrified. Although i'm not even sure of that.