Hold The Phone

After a few days to calm down - and a good long talk with the hubby who reminded me that while he tells me on occassion that I am superwoman, I do not actually own a cape and therefore do not qualify to take on the world all by my lonesome - we decided to put off off IVF until April.

Blah. Bleh.

Let's be honest - if you've read this mess of a blog, we all know it's true. I can blow bluster with the best of 'em, but when it comes down to it, I am a weenie.

J basically told me that I was waiting until April to do it. He said the only thing he could picture was me waking up from anesthesia crying. The drugs really fuck with my brain when I'm waking up. There's no sense to this, but every single time I'm knocked out I will wake up (and have no memory of it later) and start crying. I'll be handed a tissue and then I fall back to sleep. I wake up shortly after (this time actually awake), and every single time I have a balled up tissue in my hand that I have no idea where it came from. It's some really bizarre comfort for me - like somebody was taking care of me even though I didn't know it. It's weird. I'm ridiculously emotional when I wake up and I'm so thirsty I feel like I'm suffocating. Plus the drugs give me cotton mouth so bad I can't talk. So I'm crying and choking (but thank god I have my tissue!). J is of course the only one who has this routine down. So while I'm losing my mind unable to talk and the nurses are trying to figure out what the hell my problem is, Jeffrey is calmy asking for ice chips. Once I have some water in me, I'm a normal human being again. It's like being 4 years old for 10 minutes. Luckily, nurses tend to be sympathetic when you’re laying there having a 30-year-old tantrum on the table.

So, J told me no way in hell was I going to be laying on a table coming out of anesthesia crying while he's off at the slot machines in Vegas. Of course I reminded him that if I found out he spent ANY time at the casinos I was leaving him immediately and going to steal me a baby from somewhere. Having had a few days to calm down, he's right. I was being ridiculous in saying that I'd do it by myself although at the time I was mad enough to go through with it.

Stupid superwoman and her stupid ugly cape.